THIS RAISES AN INTERESTING ISSUE! i choose to believe that:
harry probably has absolutely no actual pictures of himself up, just close ups of leaves and “artistic” shots of skyscrapers from weird angles. his whole profile is just rumi quotes and a story about his semester abroad. you have no idea what he’s all about, but you’re both repelled and attracted to it, due to an inability to ever learn your lesson. on your first date you are horrified to realize that he is extremely attractive.
louis deletes and then reactivates it at least once a week, and puts on a big show of being picky about who he swipes right on, which inevitably leads to a semi-regular secret panic that his self-protective machinations will doom him to be alone forever, which is when he matches with you and invites you to hang out that same night. you are surprised by how frequently and fondly he talks about his siblings.
liam’s profile is probably an even split between genial spelling errors and pictures of him and his dog with captions like “mans best friend haha but rly :P” which you find endearing. he probably responds to your messages promptly once you match for about 3 hours, during which time you have a very nice and polite conversation, and then disappears. several weeks later he messages you at 2 a.m. on a friday and says “heyyy lol long time no talk. u up?” unfortunately, yes, u are up.
niall claims to be looking for “someone fun and chill who loves to laugh and have a good time,” except he actually means it, not in a douchey “if you ever text me twice in a row i’ll call you crazy to my frat brothers” way. it takes several minutes of inspecting his profile to figure out what he looks like because all his pictures are group shots, and you have to track down the common denominator in all of them, which would be annoying if he wasn’t so damn nice. he is timely in responses.
zayn is extremely handsome but unfortunately once you match with him, he forgets he even has tinder in the first place, and your match just sits there, taunting you with the fantasy of the chiseled cheekbones your beautiful future children could have had in another life.
This will never not be my favorite description of Harry
what he says: i met a man on the tube said harry’s a good actor
what he means: every time i settle down in front of the telly i’ve got harry ringing me up to read his lines at me. ‘help, i’m dying, i’ve got a scrape on my wrist,’ that sort of thing. i’ve told him if he needs help, ask the director. i’ve told him he’s got an assistant for this sort of thing. then he tells me it’s me he needs and what do i think about the Method? he can stuff his method, i’ve got a match to watch and rory mcilroy on the other line.
what he says: the first i saw of harry’s haircut was in a picture online
what he means: when harry cut his hair he sent me a lock of it tied in a black velvet ribbon. there was a note with it, something about keeping hair in lockets and soldiers going to war and sweethearts left behind. i didn’t have time to read the whole thing, so i just filed it for now. i call it a file…it’s a biscuit tin labeled ‘harry’s weird shite.’ i’m gonna sort through it all someday.
326 Miles 