riveyoncecuoknowles:

bon iver: hey sufjan, it’s me! your old pal bon iver! what’s up? just wanted to touch base and see how you’re doing! it’s been a while but i just emerged from my log cabin in the rural wilds of – wyoming? or wisconsin? i literally can’t remember, but it’s something like that – and i’ve released a new album! make sure you drop by your local record store and buy it!

sufjan: Oh I Will Most Assuredly Not Be Doing That Mister Iver

bon iver: oh! well, i understand – i mean, it can be hard to take time out of your busy day to swing by the old record store and pick up some new vinyl! but no worries, it’s on all the streaming services too, so it’s super easy to listen to!

sufjan: According To My Calcuations If I Listen To Each Of The Ten Songs Featured Upon Your New Album On Spotify You Will Earn The Standard Rate Of $0.006 Per Song For A Total Of $0.06 Or Six Cents Is That Correct 

bon iver: yep, that’s right! six cents!

sufjan: That Is Six Cents More Than You Are Worth

bon iver: whoa! okay! so that’s how it is, huh? what the hell, sufjan? you’re my buddy! my pal! we’ve always been friends!

sufjan: Any One Who Says Beyoncé Is Not A Good Role Model For Little Girls Is No Friend Of Mine

bon iver: okay, that’s not fair! i was making a critique of capitalism! i was saying it’s wrong of her to sign a two million dollar endorsement deal with pepsi and then pretend to be a feminist icon! the capitalist machinery is fundamentally incompatible with the goals of feminism!

sufjan: I Just Googled The Phrase Bon Iver Net Worth And It Said You Are Worth Five Million Dollars But Go Off Karl Marx

bon iver: that’s so unfair! i earned that money through hard work, honest art, and saving on rent by living in an unheated cabin in – was it wyoming, or wisconsin? one of them! but the point is, i didn’t make my money by selling out and signing endorsement deals! isn’t there more to being a musician than shilling for some high-calorie, sugary drink?

sufjan: Speak For Your Self Ever Since My Best Friend And Role Model Beyoncé Signed Her Endorsement Deal With Pepsi I Have Consumed No Liquid Beside PepsiCo Brand Drinks And My Blood Pressure May Be Through The Roof And My Kidneys May Be Full Of Granite But I Have Never Felt So Alive

bon iver: whatever, sufjan! i stand by what i said! you can’t take two million dollars from pepsi and then be a role model for young girls!

sufjan: What Have You Ever Done For Young Girls Except Inspire A Bunch Of Them To Do A Better Job Of Singing Skinny Love Than You Ever Did

bon iver: oh my god!

sufjan: Do You Want Some Lemonade With That Tea