I’m glad all you SHEEPLE are finally seeing the light about alleged “human being” Harry Styles. If you examine “Harry”’s birth certificate, you will find that “he” is, in fact, SIX PEOPLE. MANAGEMENT has been foisting them on us for years. Open your eyes. Learn with your brain. The six “HARRYS” are very easy to distinguish once you know what to look for.
HAROLD
The original “Harry Styles.” A harmless idiot. Died in 2012 from eating too many guavas.
JEBWARD
A glamorous pajama magnate who owns AT LEAST three monogrammed juice carafes. Dictates his Tweets to an assistant. Wears his pants too long so no one will suspect he has somewhere between six and eight toes per foot.
BART
A simple farmer. Was once bankrupt from buying too many riding mowers. Has several children that he birthed at home, in a bathtub, and named after famous trees of history.
FORTINBRAS
Shy and reclusive. Easily startled. Lives in the mountains, emerges only to climb in and out of cars (his true passion). Wears makeup and wigs to mask fact that he is only eight years old. MANAGEMENT, FREE THIS CHILD.
GARBO
Found in a jungle. Eats eucalyptus leaves. Preys sexually on older men. Speaks English only when fed lines phonetically.
326 Miles 