which emo origin story is the least realistic

favoritexliar:

-sixteen year old boys being kicked out and running off with chicago hardcore king to spray mace on their assholes and eat pastries out of butts and also play shows with a band that doesnt have a name
-teenage boys, one of which went to catholic school and the another whos a mormon, being kicked out and contacting the now-famous chicago hardcore king telling him he sucks and to check out their band, then having a record label created to sign them and produce their record about the sanctity of marriage and prostitution and drugs and alcoholism despite the lead singer never having stayed up past his bedtime, never had caffiene, and skipped band practice to go to church
-the bassist of a band going off into the desert, doing drugs, getting bitten by a snake, and hallucinating that the snake is telling him that he needs to start a band thats synthpop with angels, made an obnoxious cover of hollaback girl, which went viral and caught the attention of ex chicago hardcore king who now had a record label