rubdown:

louisforlunch:

One Direction – History

A CONVERSATION:

ME: OUTTA MY WAY, GLAMOR TURKEY. I MUST LEAVE AT ONCE. 

“BUT HONORED GUEST… WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

ME: I HAVE TO COMMIT A CRIME. 

“A CRIME, GUEST? WHAT SORT OF CRIME? DINNER HAS ONLY JUST BEEN SERVED. PLEASE, SIT DOWN.

ME: NO, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. MY BODY WILL NOT BEND ANYMORE. I AM EITHER COMMITTING A CRIME OR I AM BROKEN IN HALF. AS FOR THE CRIME… EVERY CRIME. ANY CRIME YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE, AND SOME MORE ON TOP OF THOSE. I WILL COMMIT CRIME AFTER CRIME AFTER CRIME, EACH CRIME MORE HEINOUS THAN THE LAST. 

“WHY, GUEST? WHY WOULD YOU DO THESE THINGS?” 

ME: YOU ABSOLUTE DILL-PICKLED FOOL. HAVEN’T YOU HEARD WHAT’S GOING ON OUT THERE? THE FATED MERGING OF FIVE PATHS INTO ONE? A SINGLE DROP OF CHANCE IN A BUCKET OF DARKNESS? THE SAME BLOOD FLOWING THROUGH VEINS OF BEINGS WHO WERE NOT FORGED AT THE SAME TIME IN THE SAME PLACE? THE LOSS OF A LIMB? THE STRENGTH TO NOT ONLY KEEP GOING, BUT TO KNOW WHEN TO STOP? 

“YES, AND SO?”

YES, AND SO I CANNOT WITHSTAND THESE THINGS GOING ON OUT THERE. I MUST COMMIT CRIMES FOR EVERY CRIME COMMITTED AGAINST MY DRIED RAISIN HEART. EXCUSE ME AND GOODBYE FOREVER. THANK YOU FOR DINNER.